Pinpoint a moment in your past where you had to make a big decision. Write about that other alternate life that could have unfolded.
Even after 6 long years and probably for the life time, I will never be able to forget those most decisive moments of my life. The moments when I decided to walk out from an abusive relationship – 3 years old marriage. I still consider it as the biggest critical moment of my life when I decided to take that scary looking path of life. Its not socially acceptable in India and the females are always being thought as faulty part.
(photo : geniussquared.com)
For 3 years, I tried to save my marriage life. I struggled internally for most of the time. I never understood why did he maltreated me. He abused physically, mentally and sexually too. And most of the time, as a wife, I devoted my self. But then for those rarest times, I found myself guilt for not fighting against it. Known as a well-educated, smart, charming and intelligent personality, no one ever imagined about my hardship in life. Also, I never discussed it with anyone (rather than very very few people), as I thought it was shameful on my part. He used me everywhere he wanted to. He treated me so badly sometimes that memories of those moments still makes my eyes watery. I was living in hell. But still due to that notional fear of society, I never raised my voice. I kept tolerating. Those who knew about it, advised me to move ahead, to walk out, to fight. But I was not able to do it.
What if I will leave him? How will I live rest of life? Will anyone ever love me? Will anyone understand me? Will people trust me? How will I survive? Those questions were always unanswered and so I was bearing that relationship. My efforts on explaining him, loving him, forgiving him were all In vain.
But one day (I am still grateful about that day in my life) after he hit me on my eye and spoke ill about my character, I decided to take a decision. Yes, my inner voice told me that I can not bear it any more. I did not know future but I knew one thing only – I can not continue my life with that man. I walked out with empty hands and mind full of questions. Yes, life was difficult and surviving in the society among those questions were the most difficult things. Thanks to my family – my parents and my brother and couple of friends who protected me, gave me warmth, understood what I passed through, supported me to start again and were always around whenever I needed them.
Yes, that bad phase passed and after 6 years, I can say I have really moved ahead. Life is beautiful and bright to me. I am thankful that I took that decision otherwise ….
I do not want to think even, what would have happen if I have not taken that decision of walking out. But I know, if I would not have took decision, life would have been hell or I am not sure, I would have even lived to see today.
My take : Take those risky decision sometimes because you are here on this earth, to be you. Its your life. Never allow anyone to control it. Love should make you full and should not make you disabled. Understand love and live life. And finally, be grateful to the time, you lived. That phase of life was required to make us understand importance of life. I have. What about you?