Aniket, its your turn today to cook, don’t forget
I heard that but did not respond. I was busy staring her. She wore backless shiny red dress today and it sent me again to the different world. She shouted for the second time and I just nodded with smile. Just looked at her long, shiny legs and those white flowery designed red colored sandals. She is so perfect, I murmured !!!
Hi !!! I am Aniket. Aniket Mehra. I am a hospitality manager at a 7-star hotel in London and sharing apartment with Chhavi Khanna. Chhavi is working as head receptionist at another well-known hotel in London. We both are living together since last one year. Today I will be working in night shift and so kind of free. Coffee is brewing in the Kettle and I am here to share something with you. Something which has been making me awake for most of the nights, now a days.
But before starting my story, I want to ask you a question –
How do you decide that you are in love (the most foolish question in the world, I know)?
Well, I know there can be 100s of 1000s of views and debatable reactions on it. But my case is different (I know again, everyone has different case :-)).
Ok, let me tell you my story and then will ask you the question again.
As you know, I and Chhavi are sharing this apartment and we both are working with prestigious hotels. We were project mates during our MBA from London Business School. It was a last semester of two years long master degree program and we were supposed to work on a project, where group of people were randomly selected. I and Chhavi were in the same group and being only Indians in the whole group, it was natural for us to get closer easily. I liked Chhavi from day one. She is a combination of brain and beauty. We used to talk and discuss about project and other things for hours. Eventually, we became good friends and started sharing everything under the sky. Together, we visited whole London for numerous time and spending time with each other was like an addiction. Even after saying her GoodBye, I used to call her at night. Those nights were full of talks. We were hungry. That hunger to know about each other, to show each other that “I am a good friend” and to care about minute things of each other, was leading somewhere else. I knew at heart that I wanted Chhavi in my life but was never sure about Chhavi. She used to be friend with everyone, although she was sharing some special bond with me. I am not sure why but I never gathered that strength to tell her about my feelings for her. Once our project completed and both of us got good working opportunity in London, we had a talk. The talk, which changed our life tracks. I still remember it words by words and expression by expression. She was wearing a beautiful black top with short off white skirt. Those black and white rings in her fingers were adding beauty to her already beautiful look. I was mesmerized.
I wanted to talk something, I
Oh tell me. Why are you so formal today?, Chhavi
Umm….as our course has completed and as we both have got good work opportunities, I was thinking…umm…was thinking to take this friendship to another level, I
Thoughtful Chhavi….She thought for two minutes (and believe me, that silence killed me)
Aniket I know what you are trying to indicate but you know how ambitious I am. And our career has just started and I do not want to take any other responsibility at this stage. Also I am not sure I have ever thought about any commitment ever. I want to enjoy this phase of life, Chhavi
I was speechless. That most confident guy in me was missing and I was not sure what to say.
But I want to be friend with you and to be honest, I like you, I
A million dollar smile and a rosy blush. And I don’t understand how this beautiful girl knew how and where to use that smile.
Even I like you Aniket, Chhavi
But that does not mean I want to get engaged with you or want to marry with you. I like you as a friend and lets see how it goes. Shouldn’t we enjoy this prosperous present?, Chhavi
I agree, but I want to be with you all the time. I do not want to miss you as a friend because rather than you, I do not share anything with anyone here, I
Yes, I know that Aniket. And let me think to resolve that problem of yours, Chhavi
After couple of minutes’ pause, a playful smile was again on her face.
Lets rent an apartment together. It will give us an opportunity to live together and still we will be able to maintain our privacy, Chhavi.
I could not believe. My slightly orthodox Indian mind could not believe that an Indian girl was asking me to share an apartment with her.
Ok, I am in but you know, you are going to pay for this suggestion, I (winked).
Don’t worry, I know how to handle it, Chhavi (with mischievous smile).
And we moved into this apartment. From first day, we decided some rules. Both of us were supposed to work on cleaning and cooking part and fortnightly the responsibility was supposed to swap. We bought furniture together and arranged them. Getting a sight of her slightly naked waist while she was cleaning or her deep neckline while she was trying to find something or looking her fresh after bath, was enough to ignite that fire in me. I controlled and controlled myself. But one night, while watching a movie on our large screened LCD, when I could not control, I spread my hand and held her from waist. She looked at me and smiled and again started watching movie (or acted to watch movie). I was completely hypnotized. I put my head on her lap and stared at her. She too stared at me. Her hand was in my hair and mine was on her left cheek. And I am still unsure what emotion drove us, but we were into it. That thing called love making is so amazing. Exploring her body was like a dream. Her anxious bite on my left ear is still fresh. Kissing her was like heaven. Our tongues were struggling and our breaths were out of reach. We stopped for a second and then again a passionate kiss. And those kisses worked as an initiator. Yes, we made love that night and I must confess, it was the best night for me. Chhavi too confessed the same thing. I was happy that she was happy and we were with each other. The following morning came up with one more serious discussion about how do we want to take this relationship. I was ready to accept her as my life partner but Chhavi still had same answer. She suggested for open relationship, where physical involvement was allowed but no emotional attachment. I wanted to be with her at any cost. Also, after tasting those honey coated lips, I was hungry again.
And that loop started. We were sharing apartment, we were sharing responsibilities, we were making love but we were not typical boy friend, girl friend. We were enjoying and that was enough for us. Its been a year now. That routine is still there and we are happy with that. But since last few days, I am again feeling that emotional attack. I want her to be mine wholly. But at the same time, my mind starts calculations about how much I would have to adjust before accepting her as my life partner, as I know her weaknesses. My orthodox mind is not able to accept the face that my wife would be someone with whom I have already slept (can she be so open minded?). Silently, my mind asks me to rule as husband but my heart is saying no. I feel like, I am totally in love with her but I am not sure I am in love with her not. Yes, that’s the state of my mind.
And so, I asked that question (what? Did you forget my question?)
How do you decide that you are in love?
From heart, I am in love but my mind is always calculating. Arguments of mind are winning now a days and emotions of heart are not working. I am with her but I do not feel that love and at the same time, while making love, I feel like she is only mine. I am confused…like Chhavi.
Can you assume our future??