Someday this existence will end without notice : Wordless Wednesday


Someday suddenly someone

Sleeps forever

And no matter how close that someone is to us

We manage to live

We manage to survive

We manage to celebrate and shed tears

The only regret remains is –

If we would have known that it was his last day / hour / moment

We would have hugged, we would have loved, we would have chatted

And specifically we would not have taken that person for granted

As the only mysterious thing about life is END

Lets not wait for good times to celebrate

Lets not wait for good things to happen

Lets not wait for good people to be around

Life moves on, no matter how tight you hold on it

Smile more today

Give more love


Love yourself 🙂


Pleasure of love is for a moment but pain of it is for ……LIFETIME : Part-V

First, Second, Third and fourth part of story can be read here, here, here and here respectively.

As Aastha’s Oh My God was loud enough to draw attention from others, the new passenger too looker at her.

Aastha? She spoke softly.

Sangini? Aastha was still in shock as she never expected to meet Sangini, at least on this trip.

Sangini came nearer to her and almost hugged her. A wide smile on her face made her face glowing more. Within a moment, Aastha started feeling jealous for her. She thought to herself

Sangini is glowing so much. Aayam must be taking care of her like a princess. How lucky she is!!

Sangini could not read her mind and took a seat beside Aastha’s. They never talked with each other in the college as Aastha always felt inferiority whenever she saw Sangini spending money on anything and everything. But today was different. It’s been 8 years, they saw each other and life surely changed within those years.

So how have you been here? Sangini started.

Actually my husband had a business trip and so I and my son joined him to explore the new country, Aastha answered mechanically, still confused what to talk.

Oh!!! You are a mother now? That’s good to know, Sangini flashed her cheerful smile again.

So how are you and how is life? Aastha returned question

Oh I am good and life is going good. I earned master’s degree in medicine, being more specific I am an ophthalmologist now. My desire to learn about unknown places brought me here and I am working with a government hospital in Stockholm. I was visiting a friend in Ystad today. After having lunch with her, I decided to buy some good crystal pieces for my newly rented apartment and so was going to Malmo. Thank god, I decided so otherwise I would have not meet you. You know, how good it feels when you meet old classmates? Sangini spoke non-stop.

Aastha smiled back. After couple of seconds’ silence, Aastha decided to ask the question, which was burning her since years.

So how is Aayam? Aastha vocalized her mind.

Aayam? Do you still remember him? Sangini counter questioned her.

Aastha struggled to answer and with some efforts, she smiled and said, who will forget him? He was the most desirable bachelor after all. I saw you and him together for couple of times and so thought you both might be together.

Aastha, life is not that simple and straight forward always. Aayam was undoubtedly the most desirable bachelor of the college and I too misunderstood his innocent friendship as love. Love for Aayam was something very holy feeling and unfortunately he fell for someone who left him without notice. Sangini replied.

Ohhhh!!! Aastha was surprised.

And you know Aastha, who was that someone? Sangini had serious look on his face.

Aastha shrugged and nodded in negative.

It was you Aastha, Sangini dropped a bomb.

What? Aastha said with wide eyes.

Yes Aastha, you heard it correctly. It was you for whom Aayam fell and almost madly searched for you when you suddenly disappeared, Sangini clarified.

But…….but…he never told me, Aastha murmured.

Did you ever give him chance? That evening in the parking, he was telling me that he was going to tell you how much he loved you and how your simplicity and beauty had killed him. He was rehearsing his proposal to me and we were laughing hard. When he saw you fell down, he ran to you and supported you but before he could tell you something, you ran away and never came back. You do not know Aastha, what Aayam has done to find you. For a week, we friends consoled him that it might be the injury that must have stopped you to attend the college. His eyes were constantly searching for you. None of us had your address. He got your phone number from one of our class mate and we both found your address from that phone number. He went to your home but you were not there and your mother when came to know that he was Aayam, she asked him to walk away. She informed him that you were married and he should not disturb you. Aayam was mad for days and no good words were helping. It took him a year to accept the fact that you were not coming back. I have seen him in depression and please don’t mind but I hated you like anything. I could not see my friend in the situation and more than that when the others were waiting for a glance from him, he was mad for someone who already left him. Although his studious nature helped him to overcome and finally he graduated with flying colours and joined master’s in same college, when other colleges were inviting him. And you know Aastha, when I asked him the reason behind joining the same college, he told me that someday you might come to visit the college and he can tell you how much he loved you. He just wanted to see you once Aastha, Sangini placed her hand on Aastha’s and tried to calm down herself.

Aastha without control, allowed tears to flow. Today was the happiest and saddest day of her life. Happiest because today she came to know that the person for whom she was waiting since years, was really in love with her. Saddest because today she came to know what she had lost in life.

For more than 10 minutes no one spoke anything. Sangini started getting up when she heard about the next station being Malmo. She said Bye to Aastha and to this, Aastha to got up and got off from train with Sangini. It was very important for her to know where Aayam was. She asked Sangini to accompany her for coffee and they both settled in the garden area of the coffee bar.

So where is Aayam? Aastha tried to stitch the talk without being formal as she knew Sangini knew everything about Aayam.

Does it make any difference to you Aastha? Sangini asked sharply. Afterall, you are a mother now and it seems you are happy with life, she added.

Sangini, you know the story of one side only. Aastha had to reveal. She told Sangini about everything – what she felt when she first time talked with Aayam, how much she was pained when she saw Aayam with Sangini, how her parents arranged her marriage on immediate basis, how Tanay – her husband supported her and still how she spent countless number of nights remembering Aayam. She told Sangini that she wanted to meet Aayam once only. Sangini after hearing her story, promised her to give her Aayam’s whereabouts. She surfed her iPhone and forwarded needed information to Aastha’s cell number. Aastha felt like she had found treasure and she kept thanking Sangini. After a cup of coffee and with a commitment of being in touch, she and Sangini left for the day.

I am coming Aayam, I am coming, her heart was singing and her face smiling and blushing at the same time.



To be continued …


Pleasure of love is for a moment but pain of it is for ……LIFETIME : Part-IV

First, Second and Third part of story can be read here, here and here respectively.

Aastha just wiped off tears and came to the spacious and luxurious bedroom.

Its been 8 years and that man is not ready to leave me, she smiled to herself sadly and laid down on the soft white bed. Tanay was snoring beside her and in that dim blue light from night lamp, she could see the tiredness on his face. She sighed and decided to sleep as Aashay, hers and Tanay’s four years old son, had to attend morning school. After convincing her mind to not think about past and especially Aayam, her heart took over and started denying orders from mind. Her emotional started talking

How strange it is!!! I talked with him only once and saw him for not more than 5 times and still at the age of 26, after being married and being a mother, I am still dreaming and missing him. Why? Tanay has been good as a husband and he never did anything that hurt me and still I continuously feel that desolation. I just want to meet Aayam once. Just want to tell him how someone almost unknown to him, fell for him and how she has been living and dying to meet him, to tell him how much she loved him.

Aastha closed her eyes tightly and allowed that single fall of tears from face to neck. Suddenly she felt her heart was heavy and felt trouble in breathing. She went to balcony again and saw the beautiful dawn was just pouring. The cool air was kissing her and that helped her to recover herself before the world knew how she spent the night, although that was not the first night. Its been hundreds of nights she kept missing Aayam and felt a sudden need to talk with him.

We are going Swden, Tanay declared, while still busy looking into his laptop and smiling simultaneously.

Why? Aastha mechanically asked.

Oh Aastha, its for business only but then I would get some hours to spend with you and Aashay and we will be able to explore Sweden. Now please no more questions and start preparation, he ordered in a soft voice and Aastha nodded.

But Aashay will miss his school, she announced her concern.

Not very much as we will be back within 7 days so he will be able to recover and after all he is a genius boy, Tanay was beaming with pride.

Flying to Sweden was in a way good for the family as they could spend really good time as a family which was not the case back at home. Days flew by and after visiting almost all the known places in Stockholm, they were tired and exhausted. On the day of departure, Aastha decided to buy something for her mother and so she went to Kosta Boda, famous for its designer crystal and glasses. Kosta Boda is situated between Stockholm and Malmo and so she took a train from Stockholm. As Tanay had promised to look after Aashay, she was quite relaxed and was enjoying beauty of Sweden from the train.


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When the train stopped at next station – Ystad, she casually looked at train doorway and she was almost fainted when she saw someone.

Oh My God !!! That’s what she could speak and held the handle of seat tightly.


To be continued ….

Pleasure of love is for a moment but pain of it is for ……LIFETIME : Part-III

First and second part of story can be read here and here.

After crying for Aayam in dream, Aastha was not aware about what was happening around. The new day came along with another news from her father

Aastha, get ready. Tanay, son my fast friend Kishan is on the way to our home. You are going to meet him for matrimonial purpose and we are going to finalize things today itself.

The cold agony in his father’s voice gave her trembles. She could not understand from where this matrimonial thing came out as her father himself sent her to city hostel to study medicine. She was not sure what to do and stood like a statue in her room. For a moment, she forgot about Aayam and tried to resolve the latest puzzle, her father threw to her.

What is happening with my life? She asked to herself. She wanted to talk with her parents, she wanted to understand urgency behind the sudden matrimonial talk, she wanted to talk with Aayam once again and finally she wanted to be a doctor. She decided to leave for hostel and then only realized the pain due to fractured leg.


She sat quietly on couch for sometime and did not even aware that her eyes were flowing. She wanted to run away to Aayam, the first guy, for who she felt something lovely. Although after remembering Aayam and Sangini’s togetherness in the parking, her heart felt hopeless and lonesome.

Aayam has already chosen someone, she murmured in effort to make her mind to forget him.

With lots of questions and doubts in mind, she got ready with help of her mother. She tried to ask her mother about the sudden intention of meeting Tanay but her mother did not reveal the secret of the day. Angry and frustrated with the situation and her inability to not walk, she was not sure how to react. At one moment, she was angry and on the other moment she decided to be supportive. Her puzzled body language coupled with sky blue kurta and snow white semi-formal pants were just adding her beauty.

Tanay was at her home with his parents. They were talking while Aatha’s mother came to her room and supported her to move out of room. Aastha with difficulty, walked till drawing room and settled herself in the sofa. She looked at Tanay from corner of her eyes and so many emotions filled her heart again.

Aayam, Aayam….again her heart was looking for someone who never knew that she was mad for him. With great efforts, she could control tears in her eyes. Tanay’s parents, whom she met for more than ten times in past were trying to make her comfortable. For sometime, they talked about her fracture, her study and other minor things. After completing tea and snacks session, when Aastha was hoping Tanay and his family to leave, Aastha’s father declared to give some privacy to Tanay and Aastha.

He was right, he will definitely decide today she talked to herself.

Within couple of minutes, she found herself alone with Tanay. After tolerating some killer silence, finally Tanay spoke

Its really nice to see you Aastha. Its been almost 5-6 years, we met.

With no options but to respond she spread the littlest smile and said yes.

Again silence.

Unaware about the thunderstorm in Aastha’s heart, Tanay started again

You have been changed Aastha. I am not seeing that care free and independent girl the way you used to be. Is it temporary due to this fracture and related pain or something else?

Sometimes only few moments can change the whole life, she baffled while staring at ceiling.

She could only realize where she was when Tanay questioned her last statement with What?

She tried to cover up and gave a mild smile again and diverted Tanay’s mind by asking questions about his career and plans in future. They kept talking for about half an hour when parents of both of them entered into the room.

Tanay’s father put his hand on his son’s shoulder with questions in his eyes and a smile spread on his face when Tanay smiled back. The reserved but studious and now engineer guy, Tanay was surely fell for her. Aastha’s parents did not care to ask her about her opinion and agreed upon Tanay’s parents’ proposal about finishing engagement right there.

Without argument and smile, she accepted the ring Tanay had put on, on her ring finger. But she could not control her tears when her mother gave her a ring for Tanay. What a fate, she murmured and started shaking. Tanay could not understand the situation but he immediately held her hand and made her sit on nearby sofa. Aastha’s mother gave her water and used eyes to sign her to be OK. After waiting for sometime, Tanay had the ring on his finger and he was genuinely happy. He took some pics of him and Aastha on his latest version of mobile and kept smiling continuously.

Finally, day ended with dark in sky and Tanay with his family left. Before leaving, while his parents were talking with Aastha’s parents about marriage date, he kept staring at Aastha. He wanted to held her hand, he wanted to talk with her, he wanted to make her comfortable but that unknown silence from Aastha was a barrier. Once alone in her room, Aastha closed her eyes and prayed

Oh God, please help me in living. Either give me courage to forget Aayam and accept Tanay or please turn Aayam to me.

After praying, she felt peaceful and with some hope in her heart, she slept tight.


To be continued …

Pleasure of love is for a moment but pain of it is for ……LIFETIME : Part-II

First part of story can be read here.

When Aastha could not find Aayam even after taking a round of the college garden, she was sad. When you are in love and you are still not sure about the reaction from other end, even little things hurt. She never even noticed Aayam with in last year. But couple of smiles from Aayan, his helping hand and his statement about his attitude, made her think of him every moment. She was almost at the edge of crying. She started walking towards class with weak body and wrack mind, who spent almost all the hours of last four days, dreaming about Aayam. Aastha was not up to herself and was constantly trying to presume the reason about Aayam’s absence.


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Somehow Aastha completed the day at college and started leaving for hostel. She entered to parking area to take out her scooter. Totally in her thoughts, she did not notice the parking area and kept walking till end of it. Suddenly she realized that her scooter was parked at the entrance of parking area. She started walking back. Evening was almost finished and night was about to show her beauty. Aastha, the bubbly and smart girl was not in her general mood today. Without reason she was missing Aayam terribly. She was still trying to find out reason behind Aayam’s absence and while her mind fully occupied in thoughts, she heard giggles. She stopped and looked around. Almost all the students left and there were very few vehicles remaining in the parking lot. She looked around again to check on the giggles and found someone sitting on the scooter, in a corner of parking lot. Out of curiosity, she started walking towards the direction of giggles and at half way she realized that there were two people instead of one, were sitting on the scooter. She tried to look with stressed eyes, who they were but could not so continued walking. When she was about two minutes away from the couple, she heard a voice which sent a spark in her spine.

Oh my God, he is Aayam, she talked to herself.

Not sure, whether to move forward or back, she decided to go and check who was with Aayam. The couple sitting on the scooter was too busy in their own fun and did not even take effort to check that someone was coming to them. Aastha stood in front of the couple and in that dark evening too, she could see that Aayam was with Sangini, her classmate and a rich girl. When Aayam saw Aastha, he got off from the scooter and said her “Hi”. Sangini did not pay attention to Aastha and decided to hold Aayam’s hand. Aastha noticed that and suddenly she felt weak on her knees. Something inside was breaking and that mute breaking was almost intolerable to her.

Before her eyes speak her heart, Aastha decided to leave and started almost running towards parking gate. For the first time in her life, she felt good for someone and found that he was already taken up. She was not able to handle herself and while running, when she tried to close her eyes tight, she fell down. The pain of Aayam being with someone else was more than the pain of being injured. Aayam came running to her and gave her a hand. Aastha was not sure whether she should take that help or not. Finally, when Aastha felt that getting up without help would be almost impossible, she held Aayam’s hand and when she tried to take first step, she almost fell down again. Aayam held her tight and gave her support with other hand too. No one speak anything and once she reached to her scooter, she kicked it despite of pain in knee and drove away. Today she wanted to run away. She wanted to cried hard and she did on the way back to hostel. The loneliness her heart felt during last ten minutes was unbearable and she was not sure how she was going to recollect herself.

At hostel, couple of friends took her to Orthopedic surgeon and after taking x-rays and analysing other reports, the surgeon suggested to have complete bed rest for 6 weeks. Without argument, she accepted the same and allowed doctor to finish bandages. Her parents came up after four hours and took her to home.

Home was worst. The word bad and sad looked so similar to her that she felt her life will end with those words. She wanted to cut off her hand, she wanted to hang herself, she wanted to end her life, she wanted to not to see Aayam in future. Pain, pain and more pain. The more she tried to avoid thinking about Aayam, the more she thought about Aayam only. Pain of broken heart was growing day by day. Without reason her eyes kept welling up for 10 times a day and when her caring mother asked for reason, she simply said, I am fine Maa.


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Aayam, Aayam, please do not leave me like that, one night she shouted in dream.

The uneducated, villagers parents understood what their daughter was up to and could identify the reason behind her sadness. They took decision, the decision, which changed Aastha’s life forever.


To be continued …

Pleasure of love is for a moment but pain of it is for ……LIFETIME

Aayam Mishra and Aastha Mathur, the clerk announced the names

The girl in skin tight blue jeans and chilly green t-shirt, started running towards the door. The clerk stopped her and asked where Aayam was. To this, she got irritated. She went back two steps and just stood silently. She could see Aayam coming with relaxed footsteps. She got irritated again. Here I am dying due to anxiety and this fellow has nothing to do with the exam, she murmured to herself.

It was the year of 1990, A Government Hospital room was turned to exam room where students of this medical college were supposed to prove their abilities about what they learned within last year. The first year students were indeed in tension and were quite upset with this practical exam. Aastha, the small town girl, was really worried, whereas her partner – Aayam was totally relaxed. Aastha did not know Aayam at all. The only thing she knew about him was – he was the guy, to not to talk with. With 6″ height and dark complexion, he was never found talking with anyone. When everyone else in the class was busy with exam preparation, Aayam was being seen in the college garden, sitting quietly and looking at the sky. No one wanted to talk with him as he did not want to talk with anyone. On the exam day, when all the names were announced except hers and Aayam’s, Aastha literally got furious with a thought of being partnered with a guy to whom she never talked. And as Aayam appeared with a smile on his face, she thought to herself, weirdo, who smiles on the exam day? God, please help me. Don’t know how my exam will go having Aayam as partner. She cursed the announcer silently.

When Aayam started walking towards the exam hall ignoring her, she almost ran behind him. She wanted to shout his name and wanted to ask him about his manners but without reason, she kept quiet. Once in the exam hall, the examiner explained them the situation and gave them 30 minutes to work on. The problem explained by examiner was related to human genetics, the least asked question and most ignored subject by students. Aastha became nervous and started sweating. Being a first ranker in that small town school always, this was the first time, she was facing this BIG exams and after seeing the problem as human genetics, she could see her report card with cherry red sleeping line. She looked at Aayam once and found that he had already started working on the problem. She wanted to ask for help as she did not want to lose the marks but at the same time, she did not want to throw out her ego too. She kept standing there, option less. After almost 15 minutes, when half of the exam time completed, Aayam looked up and found her staring him. She immediately collected herself when Aayam caught her red handed.

Aayam asked her if she needed any help and to this her eyes welled up. The thought of losing marks was making her disturb. With unclear voice, she told him that she did not study human genetics. That was enough for Aayam. He prepared one more solution sheet for her, making sure it was not the exact copy of his answer sheet. He handed her the answer sheet and took his own and both of them submitted it to the examiner.

After coming out from the exam hall, Aastha could not control her excitement. Today she was saved due to Aayam. She ran behind him and told him “Thank you”. To this Aayam smiled and started walking again. Aastha was taken aback as he did not even try to talk with her. She ran behind him again and asked him, how come did you read about Human genetics and understood it? No one, I know, have studied it. Aayam stopped for a moment, stared at her and said calmly, I am not part of crowd and walked away. Aastha was impressed.



That evening, due to small vacation after exam, she went back to her home and for the first time, she wanted to run back to college. She was not sure what that feeling was, which was continuously asking her to think about Aayam. Those 4 days were like 4 years for her. The evening, she left for college, her face was glowing and her mother continuously asked why she was so happy while going back to college as that was not the case in past. She avoided to answer and sat in the bus. That 3.5 hours of bus journey brought her so many dreams – for her and for Aayam. At the age of 18, once you feel that soft corner for someone, you can not control your heart and mind, you just want to be in that dream and do not want to be a part of real world. Conductor shouted for twice when she realized that she had reached to college gate. She got down from bus and started walking towards girls’ hostel.

Next day, rather than going to class, she straight away went to garden. After putting on her favourite embroidered white salwar kameez along with paper print black dupatta, she felt confident. She wanted to talk with Aayam and wanted to become friends with him. She wanted to stare at him, she wanted to understand that smile, she wanted to love him finally. With nervous long steps, when she reached to garden, she did not find Aayam there.

Where can he be? She asked to herself.

Oh god, please do not break my dream before it gets real, she was almost in tears. Her heart was sinking and the thoughts during those couple of minutes, created a web inside her mind.



To be continued ….