….but Heart is not logical – I

How come I can think of like that?

After looking at full moon from my 17th floored balcony and after feeling those special moments again, I had to scold my heart silently. This was not the first time. That guilt of cheating Raahil is sweeping me fully now a days but I cannot control my heart, especially when I am with Darshil.

Sorry, I started my story again but I am not able to help it. I am in a constant dilemma of cheating someone and loving someone else. Sometimes I am angry with myself and sometimes I am guilty. Sometimes I am pampering myself and sometimes I am crying. The more I want to come out of the dilemma, more I get into it.

Soha dear, please come inside. Its raining. Papa shouted and I ran into my bedroom.

Hi! I am Soha, Soha Mahajan. At the age of 22, with enviable height and body size, I am blessed with beautiful face, long hair and black wide eyes. No male can easily take off his eyes from me and I know it very well. Being an only child of my parents, I enjoy every luxury of life and still my heart is nowhere. Like everyone, I too feel my life story is complex.

This story started when I slapped him for the first time, at the age of 5. Raahil, our neighbour’s son, one year elder than me, was trying to snatch my newly bought bright yellow toy car and I slapped him. In turn, he kissed me and asked me to not get angry. At the age of 5 and even now, at the age of 22, I am not sure how come Raahil was so mature and calm. Not to mention, we became friends easily and started sharing not only toys but our dinner too. Most of the time, he would run fast towards my home with a dish full of hot and tangy Manchurian, his mom prepared. In turn, I would shout for him when I learned my mother had prepared chocolate-almond muffins, his favourite. Being in same school gave us an opportunity to spend more time with each other while travelling to school. In our school bus, we were used to discuss everything and anything with our innocence and curiosity. Raahil used to protect me from everyone and was a guide for me.

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(photo : factsvillage.com)

Time flew and years passed. Childhood turned into teenage but we were same. I still loved to play basketball in our backyard and he used to pull my hair when I could not resolve that math problem. Despite of my mother’s dislike about spending time with him, I used to spend my evenings with him. We were used to ride our bikes to visit the nearby pond. We would park our bikes and would sit at the bench and would talk about everything under sky. I never felt any hesitation while talking with him and him too never treated me as a girl. For him, I was his best friend and for me, he was my hero. Yes, hormonal changes are observed faster in girls. At the age of 13, when I was not sure what exactly marriage means, I used to tell myself that “I would marry Raahil and we will have 5 kids – 2 boys and 3 girls”. Although I never expressed my feelings but I was seeing myself falling for him more and more, every day. On the other end, he was still in that friendship era where he would openly share his feelings for that beautiful tom boyish class representative of his class. I used to laugh at him and used to tell him, “Raahil, your marriage is fixed. Why are you looking here and there?”. To this comment, he was used to get surprised and was used to ask me ”with whom? Did my mom tell you about it? How do you know?” and I used to smile.

But the way dreams break as dawn pours, my dreams too were shattered. I still remember that evening. The evening, which came with unexpected news, changed both of our lives.

To be continued ….

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parenthood musing : 150 words

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I love you more than myself

But

I do not want to cut your wings with my love.

I want you to fly on your own

And

For that I have to learn to be strong.

I have to allow you to explore,

I have to allow you get kicked off,

I have to prepare myself to see you hurt

Because

Those are going to be life lessons, which I will never be able to teach you.

After all,

Which mother in the world would be able to do so with her kids?

Be strong and smart.

You have to depart your ways from us (your parents)

And believe me,

It will be more painful to us but we will allow you to go with smiling face

Because

Life is not about controlling, it’s about nurturing.

After all,

We are trustee of your life and not the owner.

 

Heart Stealer : Daily Prompt – Middle Seat

The lonely I was looking at mountains

With heart heavy and saddened eyes

How life can do this to me?

I asked it to myself for hundred times

Aniket, you are lost

I murmured for thousand times

Unable to bear loss of dear friend

I was looking for a direction to go

Suddenly I heard the whistle of train

I ran and boarded into it

Unsure about where I was going

Unsure about what will I do next

Grabbing the random seat

I was still staring those mountains

Suddenly a tap on my shoulder

And I found 1000 watt smile

It was magnetic

It was pure

It was innocent

Unsuccessfully I tried to smile back

Just started at that face

Why did I feel so much calmness suddenly?

Why did I sense that lovely feeling?

Why did I love those constant single end chats?

Why did I want this journey to be continued for ever?

Why did I find those questions soothing?

Why did I sit there for hours?

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(photo : hqdefault.jpg)

Oh!! I am in LOVE

I claimed to myself

I want to be with her forever

That chatterbox is a heart stealer

And I want to announce

My heart has been stolen by that short term companion

She is a best friend and life partner now 🙂

Transformation : Long Exposure – Daily Prompt

Today’s Daily Prompt pushed me to write this –

As a little girl I was looking at life and was wondering what it is they are talking about?

As a teenager I learned, life was an opportunity happened to me

As an employee, I understood that life gives you more if you want to

As a lover, I realized how much LOVE can impact the life

As a wife, I discovered that life is much more than what I thought of

As a mother, I found that it was the only role I loved to live in life

As a person, I interpret life as the only chance to LIVE rather than worrying or running behind materials…..

And that is the true transformation for any person, right?