… but heart is not logical – IX

Previous parts of this story can be found at part-1, part-2, Part-3, Part-4, part-5, part-6, part-7 and part-8.

Hey Sohi, Raahil’s excitement toned voice reached to the depth of my ears.

People get so excited when they are in love, I thought to myself.

Knock, knock, are you alive Sohi? He interrupted my thoughts and pushed me to use my vocabulary organs.

Oh, hey Raaaazzzzz, wats up? You seem super excited? I could not control my curiosity.

You know the reason, right? I have already told you about it, Raahil was ready to share.

Yes, I do and sighed sadly. Who in the world would like to learn about her best friend’s girlfriend? How unlucky I am, again a thought to myself.

Sohi, din’t you ask her name? I was waiting for your question, again same excitement filled question.

Before you share your girlfriend’s name, I want to share something with you. I too have found someone for myself, without thinking twice, I spoke in single breathe.

Suddenly there was a silence. I thought the line got dead. I spoke Hello, Hello but could not hear anything and so cut the call.

What did I say? Why did I say so? I messed up my mind’s functionalities. I decided to get buried myself in something and settled in front of TV. While I was busy watching Roadies show, the long distance call ring was there. Hurriedly I ran to pick up the phone.

Hey Sohi, sorry the phone got disconnected. Congrats yaar. Who is the unlucky guy, Raahil spoke in almost low voice or maybe I felt like that.

I did not care to ask for the sudden change in his voice tone and with a fake anger in my voice, I added

He is the luckiest guy, Raahil. His name is Darshil and we are working for same company. Above all, my parents too are fond of him, I was not sure why I was messing up things and what I was trying to prove. May be the female inside me was really hurt after knowing that Raahil had found someone for himself and could not bear the failure of not being his girlfriend.

I am so happy for you Sohi. Stay happy always, again with low tone.

Hey Sohi, I need to leave. We have a discussion conference for future employment and I need to look after it. Bye for now, I could hear only the disconnection sound, before I could speak anything.

The night went with strange dreams and uneasiness. Next morning, I had to apply extra make-up to hide my puffy eyes. I met Darshil at reception and smiled. In return, a serious “Good Morning” without a sign of smile. I was taken aback. Was this the same guy who seem like fell for me just before 3-4 days? Has he really changed his feelings for me or is he faking up? I felt that loser feeling again and got panicked. Yes, at the age of 22, the most important thing for the beautiful girl is to get continuous attention and affection. I had already lost it from Raahil and now Darshil, whom I mentioned as my boyfriend, was not ready to even smile at me.

Hurriedly I started climbing stairs with Darshil but he did not care for it. Now I was really upset. Silently I settled in my chair and as per Hitali’s e-mails and instructions, I completed my day at work without putting my mind at work. In the evening, I was exhausted emotionally and wanted to run away and wanted to cry hard. With a sad smile on my face, I left office and arrived in the parking area. While I was about to get into my car, I heard him again. Yes, Darshil was there –

Hi, leaving for home?

Yes, I finished in one word as I was literally drained.

Can you please give me ride till Town Hall as I need to attend one seminar over there and my car’s tyre is broke, he said without requesting tone.

Saying No was the thing, I never learned. And above all, he was officially my manager. I did not want to put my job on risk. I smiled with effort and asked him to get in.

Driving the car was never that tougher. Darshil was sitting beside but he was looking outside and the moment I tried to look at his face he too turned to look at me. Eyes met and suddenly that known smile spread on both of ours’ faces.

Hoooooh, its easy now, I thought.

And really, that 15 minutes’ drive became very easy after that smile. We talked for everything and laughed for more than couple of times. I felt like I lost almost 10 kgs of weight as my mind got lighter. I could not control the curiosity and asked,

Darshil, why were you so upset with my question yesterday? I asked it just to know. I was never serious about it, I started self-explanation.

He smiled (mysteriously)

So you missed me, right? He spoke.

Now I was caught open handed. I missed him really because I wanted to forget Raahil and at the same time wanted to prove to Raahil that I too can find a better person.

No, I was just curious, I answered in low tone.

Soha, you are not good at combining love at heart and rejection at face. You missed me and I know something else too, he created mystery again.

I had to smile on it and he too smiled on his victory about reading my mind.

So tell me, what else do you know? I started again

Should I really reveal it? He said with smiling eyes.

Ummmmm…….I think yes, I replied.

He stared my face while I got busy with driving.

You love me Soha, he spoke with calm tone, with most unromantic way and with a soft smile.

And the next moment, I bumped my car in the parking area of town hall.

The parking was full. As I did not have any purpose to stay back, I too kept my car on a sideway. I could not make eye contacts with Darshil but he was continuously staring me. I wanted him to get out of the car soon as I wanted to be with myself for some time.

Instead he put his right hand on my left hand and pampered slowly. And I do not know what happened, but our lips were brushing each others’ within a moment. And it was really feeling great.


(Photo : thaimaiphotography.com)

I was in love, finally.

Really? That voice came from inside and I pulled back myself from that magic.

Was I really in love?


To be continued …


… but heart is not logical – VIII

First, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh part of story can be read at part-1 and part-2 and Part-3 and Part-4,   part-5 and part-6 and part-7.

After putting on grey silver trouser and maroon colored sleeveless collared shirt, when I saw myself in mirror, a smile spread on my face. With hair straightened, lips glossed and eyelashes blacklined, when I came out of my room with a white professional purse, mom and dad were waiting for me. They both were smiling and I too joined them. We fed each other sweet and took some pics. I touched their feet and left for the new venture of life – the first job.

James & Johnson, I re-read the board. Already been here for once, today strangely I was feeling butterflies in stomach. . Don’t get too excited, I told to myself and parked my car as per the guard’s instruction. After reaching to the reception, I felt more awkward because every eye was staring me. Hesitantly, I asked the lady for Aniket Sharma, the HR manager, whom I was supposed to meet. She asked me to wait for 5-10 mins after talking with Aniket. After 5 minutes of long wait while constant stares were unbearable, Aniket was there. He welcomed me and directed me to his office. Within half an hour, I completed all the formalities about documentation and company policy sign-up. Aniket congratulated once again and trickily added that company was going to have the most beautiful employee. With confusion, I accepted the compliment and smiled. He directed me to the second floor where a huge area was converted into office by setting up cubicles and computers everywhere. It felt like I was standing in corporate office of some MNC. This was really new world for me. The shining excitement on my face was not hidden and Aniket promptly asked me whether I was nervous. I smiled and said No. He asked me to wait in one of those transparent meeting room and he walked away.

I settled myself in a chair inside meeting room and looked around. That tiny meeting room was equipped with phone, desktop, a centralised table, designer black chairs and a small library in the corner. This company is really good, Darshil was right, I thought to myself. And for a moment I started thinking about Darshil. Why did not he send any SMS yesterday was the burning question inside my head. I tapped myself that we were not lovers and I should not expect anything from him. While I got really busy in controlling my mind and heart, I did not realise a personality entering into meeting room.

Hi Soha, Welcome.

That husky but friendly voice made me shaken for a moment. He was there. Yes, Darshil was there. I was shocked and with widened eyes when I saw him, he was smiling. Navy blue shirt with white linings and grey trouser. Again a perfect match, I thought to myself. Suddenly I realised that I was staring him and he too was staring me. Rather than feeling awkward, I found it enjoyable and smiled. He smiled back and took up one chair. I felt like I was dreaming. Was Darshil working with the same company? Was it the reason he asked me to join the company? Unsure about how to react, I spoke

So that is why you asked me to join J & J, right?

His smiling face turned serious and responded,

No Soha. There is no personal reason to ask you to join here. Ours is the really best company and offers good work environment and culture and so I asked you to join. I am sorry if you have found it otherwise.

After signing all the formalities and agreeing to the policies, I did not have any feeling to leave my first job for a silly reason and I was supposed to work there, there was no meaning in taking any past action wrongly. I smiled but he did not. He kept his serious expression continued and told me,

Ms. Hitali Agarwal will be here. She is a team leader of the clinical research department and will guide you for your future assignments and work related questions. Being a manager, it was my responsibility to meet the new comer and give you a warm welcome. Thanks again for being on board.

He completed and went away. I could not speak anything and stared his back. He took my blame very seriously and he was right too. I would not have blamed him like that, I thought. Uncertain about what to do, I moved to the little library in the corner and browsed through the books. Generally an avid reader, I could not find anything interesting as my mind was messed up. For a moment I thought about Raahil. He is so lucky, must be enjoying with his love, I thought and felt screwed up.

Within 10 minutes, Hitali came in. With 5’2” height, circle face, almond shaped eyes and puffed hair style, she failed to impress me. She smiled and introduced herself and gave me brief introduction about what to do and how to do. She led me to my chair. While walking through cubicles, everyone drew out their busy head from the computer screen and stared at me. Shyly I followed Hitali. When we reached to a cubicle with 6 desks, I found a specific desk decorated with flowers and a small board was there reading – welcome to our company. I felt good instantly. I never expected this kind of warm welcome. Hitali introduced me to some of the team members. I found everyone friendly and helping. First day completed by reading some requirement documents about company’s new R & D project.

At 6:30, when I went to Hitali to inform her that I was leaving, she stood up and started walking beside me. She asked me about how was the day, how did I feel. I was touched the way the team lead was treating me. Suddenly my view point for Hitali changed. When she informed me that the company did not track timings of any employee. Everyone was free to come and leave office anytime provided the work was not affected. I was astounded as most of my friends were complaining about their compulsory nine hours of office timings. The company is really good, Darshil was right, I thought to myself and again Darshil came into picture. Feeling bad about the way I behaved with him, I felt guilty and reached home.

Dad was waiting to know about my first day and was smiling at me mysteriously. That means, he knew that I was going to join Darshil’s company. I smiled and went to my room. He shouted back – Soha beta, waiting to hear about your first day. Please come fast.

I closed the door behind me and changed myself to comfy black capri and peach coloured comfy t-shirt. After freshen up myself, I logged into my e-mail account. Raahil’s e-mail was waiting for me. This was really unusual. I did not reply to his e-mail and still he wrote to me. I opened the e-mail and started reading

Hi Sohi,

You did not reply to e-mail? Everything ok? I am going to call you tonight around 10:30 p.m., your time. Just want to talk with you. Missing you so much.


Yours Raahil

He had again used that emotional word “Love” and expressed that he was missing me. I felt a hidden happiness that although he had girlfriend, he was missing me. After narrating dad and mom about what happened at office, I finished my dinner fast. Dad wanted to know details about how Darshil and I set up in the office, I avoided the question and completed in one sentence that I met Darshil over there. He is working with same company. Somehow I did not feel to make them know that he was my manager. After completing dinner, when dad offered me an evening walk, I denied with an excuse that I needed to study some older terms as they are going to be helpful for the assigned task at office. He happily agreed and left for walk with mom.

I waited for that most waited call for Raahil …..


(photo : listcrux.com)

To be continued …

… but heart is not logical – VII

First, second, third, fourth, fifth and sixth part of story can be read at part-1 and part-2 and Part-3 and Part-4,   part-5 and part-6.

When I entered with a controlled smile, Dad was there to observe my expression. As an only child, I had always been very expressive, especially with Dad because he was the only one who never judged me for any situation. Dad smiled back and I locked myself in the room without saying anything. Unsure about what to do, I wanted to bury my mind in something which can give me some space to think about anything else than Darshil because he was on my mind since last couple of hours. After logging into gmail, when I saw an e-mail from Raahil, I got astonished. Its been long, I and Raahil were using communicator most of the time rather than e-mail but an e-mail from him was the right thing I wanted at that point of time. After double-clicking on the subject line “wanna share something ….” And while the laptop screen was still showing the Loading symbol, my mind travelled thousand miles and thought every possibility Raahil might have wanted to share via e-mail. Finally the e-mail opened up and I read it in a single breathe –

HI Sohi,

I have been waiting since last 24 hours. You wanted to tell me something but you did not and somehow I too am not feeling comfortable. What is it which has made you so much needy? Everything ok? Did you find someone?

Btw, lately, I have realised who has been made for me and I am happy that I have realised it at the age of 23. I have 67 years left to love her :-).

Bye Sohi (I know you wanna hit me but sorry you will have to fly to South Africa for that :-))


Yours Raahil.

I felt a knot in my stomach. What was going on? Raahil found someone for him and he wants to love her for next 67 years……who is she? Why did I never realised that Raahil can select someone else as his life partner? Was I mad to wait for him and dream about being with him since a decade? But why did not he name her? And since the first e-mail, he used that word “Love” at the end of e-mail for the first time. I felt happiness and sadness at the same time. He must be too happy to be in love that he used that sensitive word unintentionally. He does not know how much I have been waiting for that word from him. I sighed sadly and tears flew down on my cheeks. On one end, I met Darshil today who looked fell for me and on the other end, Raahil, for whom I fell since years, found someone else to love for remaining life. I felt weak and threw myself on the bed. Tears did not stop and I did not try. But few knocks on the room door got me back to reality. Mom was asking for dinner and I had to pull myself from bed because I knew they must be waiting for me – the unbroken rule of the home – dinner together. After splashing some water on my face when I saw my face in the mirror, I felt the water hot and suddenly realised that tears were still in progress and I had to push myself hard to control them. When I reached at dining table, mom and dad were busy talking about something social, which would have not interested me. I sat silently and served myself some subji and a roti. My mouth followed mind’s order to start chewing but eyes without order from mind, started flowing. How come God has written my destiny like this? How come Raahil can fell in love with someone else? How come I cannot digest my best friend’s happiness? I kept staring my toes and kept chewing fast. While I was about to leave the dining table, dad asked me,

Beta, what did you decide? Which company are you going to join?

James and Johnson, they are the best, I repeated Darshil’s words without effort.

Oh that’s good. Congratulations beta. Are you ok?

Oh yes dad, I had something in my eyes and so they are watering, I could speak with efforts and ran into my room.

I opened my laptop. I wanted to reply Raahil’s e-mail. I should congratulate Raahil, my mind said but my heart overtook it saying, he did not reveal the name even. Why should I reply? I closed my eyes, cupped my head with hands and sat quietly. A silent war was going on between my emotional heart and practical mind. A beep on my mobile broke that war and I saw an SMS. It was from Darshil –

Hi, hope you are doing well, mysterious line again.

Of course, I was well, I talked to myself. For a moment, I thought to delete the message but my mind ordered to reply. If Raahil can find his life partner without contacting me, why should I waste my time and youth while thinking about him? I should move on, my mind argued and I followed.

Why? Aren’t you well? I typed fast and sent it before my heart made me do something else.

Within a moment, with a beep, a message came in –

Not at all. It feels like I have been robbed.

When will this person learn to talk straight forward? I talked with myself and typed –

You are robbed and you are talking with me. Are you ok?

And a loop of continuous SMSs went on for next 3 hours. Yes, 3 hours and as usual, we kept typing about here and there but nothing special. Finally, at 11:30 p.m., I realised that it was really too late. I typed last message of the day –

Hey its really late and I am unable to open eyes. Good Night.


(Photo : dreamstime.com )

For five minutes, there was no reply and I got irritated. He had been replying immediately since last 3 hours and he was not replying to my last message. I laid on bed and tried to sleep. A beep on mobile and I got up and sat on the bed and read –

Yes, its too late. I am not sure what to say…..Good Night.

Now what was it? Too late for what? And why was he not sure about what to say? My mind was tired and I did not want to give it more burden. I slept tight with strange dreams and woke up with heavy head and torn throat. After replying to James & Johnson about my acceptance, I kept sleeping and thinking. In the evening, I saw an e-mail from James & Johnson about thanking me for acceptance and asking to join immediate. I too had nothing in hand to complete so I decided to join next day and replied immediately. When informed to parents, they happily accepted my decision about immediate joining and celebrated with ice-cream. I waited for Darshil’s SMS subconsciously but that beep never showed up on my mobile. With a hope of good future and excitement about new job, I went to sleep.

Little did I know that my first day at my first job was going to be the first biggest shock of my life.


To be continued …

… but heart is not logical – VI

First, second, third, fourth and fifth part of story can be read at part-1 and part-2 and Part-3 and Part-4 and  part-5..

Hello, a husky male voice from the other end entered into my ears.

Suddenly I felt my voice lost. I was not sure what to speak.

Ummm….hello, hello is this Darshil? I completed the sentence while biting corner of my lip bottom.

Yes, Darshil here. May I know who is this? The husky voice turned to slightly friendly.

This is Soha, Soha Mahajan. I paused for a moment.

Oh, hi Soha. How are you doing? A normal and friendlier response.

I am doing good. Actually I wanted to have your opinion for the job offers I have received. My father suggested to talk with you, I completed in single breathe and did not care to ask back about his hows and whats.

Oh sure, Anytime, the mysterious response.

I was not sure what to say.

I waited for a moment and got irritated.

Suddenly I heard laughter from the other end.

Hey Soha, don’t get confused. Speak something yaar. I was just kidding, the initial husky voice became flirtatious.

I got angry but controlled myself.

Oh, that’s ok, I forced myself to smile and spoke with sarcastic tone.

Anyways Soha, we can meet anytime and can discuss about your confusion related to job or for any other matter, again the flirtatious voice

I was hesitant now, even to meet him. And what was he doing during the first call? He was trying to flirt with me. I hated it but controlled myself again.

Ok, if its convenient to you, we can meet at my home tonight. I need to respond to the recruiters by tomorrow evening, I patted myself for the suggestion

Actually your home is quite far from my place and I have conference call with our VP today. Why don’t we meet up at Regency Coffee Shop nearby your dance class, you attend every Wednesday and Friday? He suggested

My eyes got bigger. How come he knows about my dance class and that too with location and timings?

Don’t think so much Soha. Your father told me about it, a laughing voice.

I got furious. How come my father do that? What was the need to share those details to someone unknown?

Ok, that’s fine. Meet you at 5:30, I said in lower tone and pushed the red button heavily.

I did not care even to hear his response. I did not care how would I find him. I did not care what I would talk with him. I was just angry and irritated. The world around me changed so fast. My father was sharing minute details about me to his dream son-in-law and now I have to meet him in spite of not wanting the same.

Mom shouted from drawing room. She wanted me to join her for lunch but my hunger was killed by that phone to the designer number. I declined mom’s offer to join her and stayed in bed for sometime. Suddenly I felt I was missing Raahil.

When I saw Raahil was available on chat, I felt relieved. But waiting after pinging him was unbearable. I blankly started at laptop screen.

Hey, wats up? The messenger beeped.

My thought process broke and I came back to real world. The conversation went like this –

Soha : Hi Raaaazzzzz, how are you?

Raahil : M good and busy with study as usual. We are supposed to demonstrate the prototype of machine plane and really working hard for it. How about you?

Soha : Raaaazzzzz, you were not there yesterday evening…..?

Raahil : ummmmm……oh I went out for dinner with friends. Wats up?

Soha : Nothing, was just asking.

Raahil : Hey Sohi, you are not in usual mood, anything wrong?

Soha : No……….actually yes. Raaaazz, I wanted to talk about something serious

Raahil : Hey Sohi, sorry but I need to leave for class. Will catch you later. And yes, drop me an e-mail about your confusion, as usual, I will resolve it 🙂

And he signed off and I too had to. I did not write e-mail to him as I did not think that was the right way to talk about my confusion.

After napping for 2 hours, I woke up with headache. Mom kept my mint-ginger tea ready and after having tea, I felt really good.

The clock was showing 4:45 p.m. and I was supposed to reach Regency Coffee Shop, around 6 kms away from my home. I started getting ready. Though did not want to take extra care about my look, I selected maroon sleeveless tank top and designer sky blue jeans. The golden square buttons on my top were adding a charisma to my personality. I smiled at myself and left home.

After entering into Regency Coffee shop, I felt like every eye was staring me. I felt slightly awkward and decided to leave out and call Darshil. I was about to reach to the exit door, when I heard that husky friendlier voice again.

Soha, the voice said and I took a deep breathe, closed my eyes for a moment and opened it and turned around.

There he was – Darshil Kakkar. With 6” height, indian complexion, purple and blue checks sleeves folded shirt matched with off white trouser and an innocent face with broad smile……..he was surely a killer, I told to myself but the next moment I balanced myself thinking about Raahil.

We settled on a table and again looked into each other’s eyes and from nowhere smile flashed on both of ours’ faces. He ordered a choco deep plain coffee for me and lette for him. I raised my eyebrow and he immediately responded,


Your dad, he told me that you love choco deep plain coffee.

Now I was really angry with dad. What was he sharing with Darshil? Why? I controlled myself and nodded with smile.

We sat silent till coffee came. I tried to look at him and found he was doing the same and again we both cracked up. I felt comfortable and not sure when we started talking but after an hour when my dance class coordinator called me about my absence for the class, I realised that I had spent a full hour with Darshil (the designer number owner) and did not even talk about the job offer. I started getting up. He too stood up as he suddenly remembered that he had a call with VP. At parking, when I was about to get into my car, he came close and told me,

Soha, go with James & Johnson Co., they are best.

How did he know that I had an offer from the company? Must be dad, I told to myself and smiled and nodded.

On the way to dance class, I decided to drop the class fully and drove towards home. My mind was driving the thoughts even faster than my car. I was unknowingly comparing Raahil and Darshil. Raahil was the only male friend with whom I had been so much comfortable and I thought there was no other male in the world who can make me so comfortable.

But Darshil’s entry in my life had changed the equation.


To be continued ….