J for ….???? (something I have not written about since long)

Five reactions show people are jealous for you

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(Photo: wongadoh.wordpress.com)

  1. (when you excitedly inform them about your first abroad visit and their reaction is) Oh, we have been there long ago: These kind of people can never see others enjoying their lives. They are always so self-obsessed that they think, other people are/should not be fortunate enough to something in life.
  2. (When you excitedly run to show the brand new car, you have just bought and their reaction is) There is nothing special about it, now a days everyone has it : These people think that whatever anyone else owns is very common and what they own is very special.
  3. (when you ask them to visit your house to see the 42” LCD, you have bought and after seeing the reaction is) My friend/relative had better than this : These people always find ways to show / make you feel that they know someone who owns better things/success in life than you.
  4. (when you call up to share the news about hubby winning an online competition or kiddo performed on stage, their reaction is) But its not you right? Its your hubby / child : These people think that you are stealing credits of your hubby’s or child’s success, which is basically a team’s success.
  5. (when you ask about their opinion about last night’s party arranged at your home and their reaction is) ) It was ok, I have better ideas : These people always try to show you that as you did not ask for their help, you did not do good.

Hooh, stay away from these people but believe me, its not easy.

At every step, you will always find someone who is ready to show you your inferior self.

Don’t allow them to be successful.

Just live the life fully because those jealousies and comments will not matter your joy on death bed.

Its one life, live it fully :-), leave those jealous people away.

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… but heart is not logical – XI

Previous parts of this story can be found at part-1, part-2, Part-3, Part-4, part-5, part-6, part-7, part-8, part-9 and part-10.

OK, so welcome to the end of my love story :-).

You must be confused about the smiley I had put at the end of first sentence. I am talking about end of my love story and I am smiling……isn’t it contradictory? Read on and you will understand :-).

After cursing and stressing myself about the mess I created on the name of LOVE, when I got into my room, I was sleepy and went to bed immediately, unknown about what was going on in other parts of world. While I was sleeping with strange dreams, GOD was working hard to present me what I deserved for the rest of life. The story went like this –

After our first kiss in car, Darshil went to the seminar in town hall but could not concentrate. After waiting for years to find love, it was the moment, he experienced it and the charm of love had just started. He left the seminar and got into taxi. While travelling towards home, he sent me that first LOVE SMS. Unable to share everything easily by nature, he did not talk about taste of love with his parents. His parents could see the “tried but not hidden glow” on his face but as usual they wanted to give time. At the other end, Darshil was restless as I did not reply to his SMS. Just in effort of diverting his mind from negative feelings about if I would not respond, he logged into Orkut (the first ever social networking site). Once logged in, a user can see list of logged in friends (in order they logged in). Darshil was really worried and confused about my not-replied behaviour. When he saw name of long forgotten friend on top of list, he started chat with him using gtalk. The conversation went like this :

Darshil : Hey R, after so long…..alive?

His friend : oh, hey D, m here only man. How are you?

Darshil : m good. Really glad to chat with you after so long.

His friend : same here D. I still cherish our togetherness and the fun we had while trekking in Ladakh. I never thought I will get lifetime friend over there.

Darshil : oh yes, I agree. I too never thought that trekking would earn me you. Do you remember those two consecutive nights where we sat under smoky sky and shared so many things about life?

His friend : How can I forget that yaar? I have been missing that kind of friendship here. I have so many friends here but I did not find anyone like you. Its been almost 3 years and life has changed in many ways.

Darshil : oh yes, life has changed. I don’t know why we never contacted each other during this time period of 3 years? Everything ok at your end? How is your study going (I presume, you have continued your study 🙂)?

His friend : :-):-):-)

His friend : you are true with your assumption friend, I have continued studying and I am still studying and its going very well. This year I will get master’s degree in aeronautics.

Darshil : That’s really great R, happy to talk with you after so long and happy to learn about your progress.

His friend : Hey D, what about you? You had already completed your study, right? What have you been doing?

Darshil : Yes, I completed my study in Clinical Research and right now working with a top company in India, as a manager.

His friend : Congrats brother, you were meant to be successful, I knew.

Darshil : Thanks bro but success in one area never makes a man successful. You need many other things to live successfully and happily (unintentionally Darshil spoke his heart as he was too upset while waiting for my reply)

His friend : hey brother, everything ok?

Darshil : I hope it would be. I am confused like anything.

His friend : that means you are trying to be in love 🙂 or you have already fell. My dear friend, these are dangerous situations.

Darshil : oh yes, I can understand it now but its too late for me. I have lost myself to her.

His friend : very romantic !!!

Darshil : :(. No, its not.

His friend : why? Did not she kiss you? (guys are always guys. They talk about those things first which girls might think of last)

Darshil : 🙂

His friend : that means you kissed her.

Darshil : I will never forget it, that magic. It was fab.

His friend : good. Now tell me the problem because I am sure, you have not taken her to bed.

Darshil : yes, I did not because that’s not how I see love and I am sure, you too do not see love like that. Btw, tell me about yourself. Whats up with you?

His friend : with me? Well nothing much. I too am confused now a days but I can not do anything about it.

Darshil : don’t create puzzles.

His friend : 🙂. Ok.

His friend : As I told you, I have a childhood friend and I had a soft corner for her. But after coming here in South Africa and experiencing different culture, I was unsure about my feelings for her. It took me 10 long years to realize what I wanted in my life. I would not lie. I flirted with many girls here and tried to find out that feeling which I left behind. Finally, I found someone whom I thought I really loved. Her name was Nikki. As you know about free culture over here, we started living together as we were studying together. Although I purposefully avoided love making, we were very close. But one morning, she packed up her bags and left me. Her last letter to me said that I should forget her and should go back to my childhood friend as I was continuously speaking her name while sleeping tight and it was unbearable for Nikki. And it was a turning point for me. I had to analyse myself and the answer came out from myself was, Go Back to her. There was no way but to go back. I called her up and told her that I had realized that who is made for me but before I could tell her that it was she only, she told me that she had found someone for her. Since last couple of days, I was restless but I think I have to give up as I want her to be happy, whether its being with me or anyone else. That’s what my long story is J.

Darshil : OMG, I am really sorry. I started talking about my little confusion while you are passing through a critical phase. Your childhood friend is really lucky that you have fell for her. I will surely pray for you and her. What is her name, btw?

His friend : what different does it make if I tell you her name?

Darshil : 🙂

His friend : ok, her name is Soha, Soha Mahajan.

============== long silence ================

Darshil : Hey R, I need to go somewhere urgently, will connect with you sometime in near future. Bye for now.

After logging out, Darshil had teary eyes. Now he was able to understand why did I pulled up myself from that magical experience and why did not I reciprocate to his love feelings. Why was I always in thoughts and why my smile was fading away? He kept staring to sky like he was asking the destiny about his fault. But being very mature, he decided to join the two dots and create a single line rather than drawing a triangle. In his words,

Within short span of 3-4 days, I loved you so much that at first point, I did not want to leave you. But my guts told me to not follow my sentiments. I knew something was wrong between us, the moment we met for the first time. On our first meeting too, your smile faded for couple of times and I, without help, noticed those minute details because I loved you. I thought it must be some past experience or a bad experience, which you would share with me sometime. I was ready to do anything to bring back that smile on your face. Little bit I knew that I will have to leave you for that. This is really not mu nature as I believe in winning. But here I am winning by losing from my best friend Raahil. Yes Soha, we are best friends. We came to know each other during a trekking trip to Ladakh and connected instantly. The day, I felt first taste of love, I came to know that my best friend was in pain because his lifelong friend was going to be someone else’s girlfriend and that someone was me. I did not want to be that one. I wanted you to be happy at any cost and after observing you, I know that you will be happy with Raahil and he will surely be able to make you happy for lifetime.

I and Darshil were hugging tight to each other with tears flowing down from my eyes. Today I felt myself luckiest. Today I was going to be with my lifelong love Raahil and I had found a best friend in life – Darshil.

The events followed fast. Darshil prepared me to talk with my parents and even helped me in phrasing words. My parents were in shock for the first but agreed upon to meet Raahil. Darshil talked with Raahil and they too had a very emotional conversation where Darshil had to tell the true story to Raahil and after knowing about Darshil’s decision, Raahil kept thanking him. In reply of which Darshil told him something in their symbolic male language and both laughed like anything. I was happy to learn that GOD had sent angel in the form of Darshil.

Raahil talked with his parents and his parents happily accepted his feelings. His mother was really fond of me and she started preparing list about what she will need for her only son’s marriage? Finally, after 3 weeks, Raahil and his family flew down to India and we met.

On our meeting after almost a decade (or even more than that), I could not match eyes with him and he was not ready to take his eyes off from me. When my father asked, whether I needed to do any clarification with Raahil, I just smiled. When there is love (that too lifelong love), no clarification is required.

I and Raahil got married just today and we are planning to fly to SA after 2 weeks. Raahil is on secret mission with Darshil and has informed that he will be back in hotel room within an hour. I utilized that time to write this post to let you all know that finally all is well and I am with Raahil.

Suddenly I hear some noise outside and I run to the hotel room’s balcony. The moment I opened the balcony door and got out, a romantic tune started playing and a soothing voice was singing for me. Oh my God, he is Raahil……….Darshil is smiling while standing in a corner and signed me to get downstairs. I without second thought ran down and hugged Raahil. He carried me to the room and our beautiful life ahead started with end of my love story.

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(photo : completewelbeing.com)

… but heart is not logical – X

Previous parts of this story can be found at part-1, part-2, Part-3, Part-4, part-5, part-6, part-7 and part-8 and part-9.

When I pulled back myself from that magical experience, where mine and Darshil’s breathes touched each other’s, Darshil stayed calm. He smiled in a friendly manner and arranged my hair behind my left ear. He summarized his feelings in few words –

Soha, I have read thousands of love stories and I was always amazed with an idea about how I would meet my dream partner. But reality is always different. In reality, you meet a person, you talk with him/her and know about him/her and gradually you fell in love for him/her. For me, the gradually was replaced by immediately, when I saw you for the first time. I am fortunate that you too are feeling the same way for me and I ensure you that I will do anything to conserve this feeling between us. I love you, Soha.

He left immediately without making any eye contacts. Might be he was lacking self-confidence while proposing to his dream girl. His words made great impact on me as I too never in my life thought that someone (of course other than Raahil) would be able to win my heart so easily.

I really wish Raahil would have told me something like this and I would have flew to SA without second thought, my heart started fuelling my mind. Raahil was somehow always present in my thoughts, especially since the day he announced that he had found someone for him.

I should clarify my feelings to Raahil for once. I don’t think I will be able to love or even like someone else until I am not clear about what I want, my heart had argument ready.

But why should I clarify? And what has remained to be clarified? He has already conveyed that he is in relationship and as far as I know him, he will love his girlfriend till the end of his life. What am I dreaming of or expecting? And if I am not able to leave Raahil behind, why did I enjoy that intimate moment with Darshil? What am I doing? My mind too had strong argument.

I felt weak and tears flew down from my eyes. What a destiny it is !!!, I told to myself, someone has just accepted his feelings for me but I am not able to reciprocate as I am not able to withdraw myself from someone else, who has already found someone for him.

I wiped off tears as soon as I saw entrance of my home. Papa must be home and if he asks something, I won’t be able to answer at this moment, I thought. In reply of doorbell, when mom opened the door, I was relieved. At least papa was not at home. Mom asked me as soon as I entered into living room, what happened to your eyes? Have your cried? Everything ok? I said yes mom, everything ok and caged myself in my room.

After helping myself on my bed when I checked my mobile, there was one message from Darshil –

I don’t know how to describe the magic I experienced today. Feeling like all the clouds are raining high and I am holding you tight amidst that heavy rain. I will do it forever for you, because I Love You. Waiting for your reply.

I was not sure what to do. My unconsciousness or hurries about feeling love had created a big trouble. I was still not sure whether I was in love with Darshil and he had started dreaming about anything and everything, forever and nowhere. I felt like I was breathless. I was messed up. To get out of this dilemma, I opened the door of my balcony and allowed myself some fresh and cool air and breathed deep. With deep breathing, I got deep in past and started telling you my story, oh sorry, my love story.

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(photo : www.gettyimages.com)

Well, while I was telling you my story, I mean while I kept posting episodes of my life to you, I have discovered my destiny. Yes, within 2 months, everything has changed here. Life is no more a dilemma and I am living dream life.

Want to read on what turnaround I experienced within last couple of months?

Wait until next and last part of my story (no my story will not end after that part but my tale will surely J)

Stay tuned ….