First Day @ PlayGroup

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When I left my son at Play Group for the first time, that thought factory (yes, I address my mind like that J) started producing thoughts

Playgroup means you will be away from me for 2 hours daily

Playgroup means you will learn to adjust in new environment

Playgroup means you will make new friends

Playgroup means you will get chance to play with same age group

Playgroup means you will come out of that protected shelter and will enter in the new world

Yes, it means a lot and I know how important it is for you

BUT

I still don’t understand, why my eyes got teary, when I said BYE to you at the gate

I still don’t understand, the emptiness my heart felt that day

I still don’t understand, that fear of you going away from me

I still don’t understand, that concern of being part of your world now and not the whole world of yours

I still don’t know, what was that…………..might be MOTHERHOOD.

I will always like you to be with me and will never like you to go away

BUT

I know, I am a guardian of yours and not an owner

So……

My dear son, enjoy the new life and remember we will be always with you (physically or virtually)

I still cherish….A letter to a growing son

I still cherish ….

I still cherish that moment when I knew you were there, inside me

I still cherish that moment when I felt your kick for the first time

I still cherish that moment when I saw you for the first time and cried like anything

I still cherish that moment when I kissed you for the first time

I still cherish that moment when I nursed you for the first time and felt complete

I still cherish that moment when you smiled for the first time

I still cherish that moment when you gave me a hug

I still cherish that moment when you rubbed my tears

I still cherish that moment when you walked while holding my hand

I still cherish that moment when you came to me and said “Mumma”

I still cherish that moment when no one was around but you were

I still cherish that moment when you appreciated the recipe, I prepared for you

I want to cherish this never ending list

I want to cherish your growth

I want to cherish your life and achievements

I want to cherish your adulthood and my motherhood J

I want to cherish everything while being with you.

Love you so much my son. I am always always in love with you, madly….

 

it was just yesterday….they were parents, and today….we are.

it was your responsibility and you have not done anything new as every parents do that”,  Aman said angrily and went out of room. His parents were shocked. They did not speak anything till long and then his mother started crying. She could not stop her tears and her father was just staring her, almost helpless. There was no word to help, to make her feel better.

It was just yesterday,

Yes, it was just yesterday

Priya and Satish celebrated birth of their first and only kid, Aman. They were so happy. Satish did not leave him for a moment. He helped Priya for everything related to Aman. They both were struggling financially, when Aman born, but both of them had an intuition that Aman will bring them prosperity. So they believed Aman was a little GOD for them. They celebrated his birthday every month and silently, every day. The felt so blessed. Aman was a happy and healthy kid. Everyone wanted to hold him. Priya and Satish were proud of their son.

It was just yesterday

Aman caught fever at 3 months age and Priya and Satish were up for the whole night. Internally, they felt the same pain, Aman was suffering from. Priya prayed silently for the whole night. She did not want anything other than Aman’s health. Once recovered, Priya went to temple with bare foot. Yes, people call it blind trust, but sometimes it works. Priya and Satish were parents with higher acceptance not higher expectations. They gave so much love to Aman. Even an incomplete meal of Aman was able to make them disturb. It was their care and love, which maintained Aman as happy kid. Priya continuously emphasized Satish to make Aman learn about outer world so that he could be aware about the world. They both were working and had a demanding job. Also household chores were the shred responsibility for both of them. They could not be free easily over the weekend, so giving time to Aman was quite difficult for them. They decided to sleep less. They hardly took 4-5 hours sleep during Aman’s initial 5 years. They tried to be ready with all their chores finished so that once Aman was up for the new day, they were ready to give him time. They did so many financial adjustments. Priya never asked for new dress after Aman’s birth. Whenever they were out, the only priority was Aman. What he would like and what would help him grow. Satish never tried to satisfy his hunger for that high resolution camera because Aman’s needs and priorities were most important. They never felt bad about the sacrifices they were doing. They were happy that they had a reason to sacrifice. They wanted each moment of Aman’s childhood to be memorable. With their old camera, they shoot so many videos of Aman. Life was full and in full swing.

It was just yesterday

Aman went to school for the first time and he cried a lot as he wanted his Mumma to be with him. Priya too cried a lot and could not eat anything that day. Gradually Aman settled in the school very well and years passed. Priya and Satish grew more grey hairs while seeing Aman growing. Their minds were always in calculation about Aman’s school fees, his books, his fun activities etc. Priya and Satish left almost every hobby of them behind just to nurture Aman’s hobby. They both knew how important it was for Aman to grow a reading hobby. They kept searching for books. Books with big pictures, with different objects, with different descriptions. They travelled to different parts of city for different books. Aman too started enjoying reading and became an avid reader. Priya and Satish were really happy and proud while seeing their son growing.

It was just yesterday

Aman passed his graduation with first rank in university. Again a big celebration and happy parents. Priya and Satish felt so much proud. Aman left for US for higher studies. He did not have idea about how his parents had collected money for his study. Priya and Satish never even tried to convey about their hardship. For them, Aman was little GOD and it was their duty to nurture their little GOD. On the international airport, while saying BYE to her beloved son, Priya broke totally. She could not stop crying and was almost faint. That was the first moment in his life, Aman consciously realized how much his parents loved him and how much they were going to miss him. Aman completed higher studies with success and got a respectful job in US.

It was just yesterday

Aman came back to India to select a bride for him. Being in US for around 4 years, he was almost an English man. After meeting around 15 candidates, he was not able to select any as his life partner. And decided to return back to US and visit India next year.

And its just today,

Aman packed his luggage and was ready to leave for US. Priya packed so many snacks packets and pickles and everything for him. Just before an hour of his leaving for airport, Satish called Aman in his room and asked Priya to join them. Satish and Priya explained about the new home they were planning to buy so that it would be more convenient for Aman in future. With hesitance, Satish asked Aman if he can help with some money because he did not have enough saving. To this, Aman was upset and asked them to not buy anything. And arguments started for the first time. Priya tried to stop Satish but she could not and Satish conveyed Aman what kind of hardships he and Priya have been observing to make Aman successful. To this, Aman blankly said, “it was your responsibility and you have not done anything new as every parents do that”. Satish and Priya were dumb. What was that? Why was that? There was no other option than crying because life was about to over and Aman was about to leave.

 

So friends, it was just yesterday when we were kids and took everything for granted, what our parents did for us. But today, after being parents, we can realize how difficult it would have been for them. So make sure to not hurt them. Because if its they today to be hurt, tomorrow it will be we. And believe me nothing hurts more than the feeling of negligence by our own kids, whom we raised with love. Do not do it if you don’t want it to be happened with you.  Love them and respect them for whatever they did for you. Tomorrow, you might realize your mistake, but they will not be around.

So just call today, at this moment and say them “I Love you”.

Keep smiling 🙂

Mother’s day with two mothers…

People posted different posters and pics to wish “Happy Mother’s Day”. Eveyone has different style to make the special day more special. Well, my style is slightly different. When people select to speak and show up, I am silent and grateful to god. Most of the time in my life, I chose to be silent and let my feelings speak. I am not afraid to announce that most of the time, I have failed and people do not recognize my feelings or efforts, I have put in. And to be honest, its hurting. But still I think, emotions are better way to express love, rather than speaking.

How incredible it is when you are able to celebrate the special day with two mothers? I am one of the luckiest person, who managed to do so. Although it was purely circumstance and I did not wish any of them a “Happy Mother’s day”, inside me somewhere I felt great to have both of them around.

We had a great time together, while I was with my one mother for full time and the other mother, visited for couple of hours. Yes, due to some circumstances, I had to ask my mother-in-law to join me and help me in coping up and she willingly came. We were together for whole day and shared so many things. As my mother is near by, she too visited us for sometime and I felt blessed while sitting together with both moms. Grateful to be the mid generation, where I can respect the elders and can love my son. I did not buy any gift for them and did not do any formalities on the special day. But somewhere in the depth of my heart, I felt so happy that I got such an unforgettable time.

Motherhood has taught me a lot, lately. I have learnt to be patient, moderately responsive, strong and very positive all the time. I feel that I have almost lost MYSELF, after being a mother. Everything, what I see or act or buy or work, is always around my son. I want to do everything for him. I want to give a best life to him. I want him to be happy for all the time. I want him to be …….endless things I want to do for him. And that makes me think something else too – my mom must have thought same thing for me. She must have felt the pain while seeing me in pain. She must have got disturbed while something hurted me. She must have done so many unspoken things for me. People say its a loop where moms do it for us and we do it for our children. True it is. But mother is the only human being who is always ready to give up and to take up anything, to make her children happy. I am so grateful that being a mother, I am getting love from both of my mothers. I am proud of you both for whatever you have achieved and the way you both have shaped your lives. Thankful for being a daughter and daughter-in-law of you and I love you both so much.

And last but not the least –
you looked at me with love and I forgot my pains,
you worked with me and I found everything so easy,
you kissed me and I found myself to be the most loveable,
you consoled me and I forgot all the hurts,
you taught me and I found myself to be a best learner,
you are the only person on this earth,
who gave me breath and taught me to breath
who gave me life and taught me to live
who showed me the path and taught me to walk
who gave me strength and taught me to fight for good.
I am the most blessed person to have you as Mother.
So proud of you my dear mothers….Love you.

letter from a mother

Whenever I hold you in my hand, it feels like,

it was just yesterday, I wanted you to be in my lap and today you have grown up.

It was just yesterday, you were dependent on me and today you are on the way to be independent for most of the routine activities

It was just yesterday, I always carried you in my arms and felt you near to my heart and today you want to walk on your own and does not want to hold my hand

It was just yesterday, I was selecting toys for you to play and today, you want to play on your own and that too not with toys but with laptops, mobiles and remotes

It was just yesterday, I was afraid of taking you out alone, and today you leave home (saying bye to me) with anyone who takes you out

It was just yesterday, I thought you are mine and I will never leave you for a moment and today, you are ready to leave for pre-school

It was just yesterday, you were crying and I was crying with you and today you hold my hand and giving me a hug if I am crying

Our journey has been the most beautiful one and I hope we will have the same for future years.

Parenthood is the most blessed things in world and I am fortunate to experience that with you dear son…Love you.