And today, I am an adult….well, that’s not me. That’s what the claim is from the story. Started as an idea to wrap up it within 10-12 chapters and publish it as novelette, the story is already moving ahead to become a fiction novel. But that’s how it works when it comes to writing fiction….Hope you have enjoyed the journey till now.
Again long post ahead so grab your coffee 🙂
While responding to inquiries about Kids’ library, Keya forgot about the pain of not single message from Ankur for whole evening. She was still waiting for his feedback because he was the one who encouraged her to do something. Suddenly, that second meeting in the super market and that ice-cream (date) came alive to her.
What a time it was!! Just few months back, I did not know this man and now he is my life. Love must be working that way, she smiled to herself.
Nimit came back and Keya shared her idea about starting Kids’ library with him. As usual, he was positive and said the same words- go ahead. I am with you.
Silently Keya compared Nimit’s response with Ankur’s would be response. Ankur would have asked for details, he would have suggested better ideas and finally he would have used encouraging words. Not sure why Nimit is always at short of words, she thought to herself.
By the time, Nimit finished dinner and Keya wrapped up kitchen, school group had total 15 unread messages. Nimit was still busy on call and Vihan was already asleep. Keya started reading messages. She was expecting the usual inquiries about school work but was surprised. Revati had posted family picture with a caption, one more memorable evening. Keya stared at Ankur’s smiling face.
After couple of messages from people praising her for maintaining a picture perfect family, she saw Ankur’s message in reply of Revati’s picture. That message said,
Thanks for getting us ready for the evening Revati. You always know how to make best of it. Love your charm.
And she was taken aback.
Wow…..just today, he told me that he never says I love you to her and now he is praising her in public. Without love, how can one do it?
Tears rolled down. In fraction of second, the happiness and excitement of creating something new vanished out and that “being used” feeling took over again.
Why is he playing with me like this? While silently talking with herself she wiped out tears. After putting her phone aside, she just sat and series of events came alive….
If I have some family time, it’s not acceptable and it’s a matter of aggressive arguments because I was not available for chat but on the name of family time, he can disappear for 4 hours and with all guts in the world, he comes back and praises his wife in group but does not have time to respond my messages.
If I mistakenly kept the messenger open for whole night, I have an affair with someone else too. And even after knowing almost whole history of mine, he does not trust me. But at the same time, I never ever thought on that track even if he was alone with his female colleagues.
If I feel used and be mute, he will never ask whats wrong. But if he has some problem or negative assumption, I am supposed to ask. And the worst is, he will not share the pain point directly. I will have to hear/read whole “true love” theory coming from him (as if I don’t know what is true love), will have to agree upon it and will have to keep asking whats wrong with him.
Why am I into this? Keya held her head and literally pulled her hair. Never felt so imbalanced emotionally. For her, Ankur was the world. She did many things out of her personality, just to make him happy but he was never happy with the efforts she was putting in. He always had some problems.
When negativity takes over, it leads you to observe everything with that red lens and succeeds in making you feel more negative.
It was almost half an hour, Keya had seen Ankur’s message in group. Unconsciously, she waited for that special notification but she did not hear it.
Strange!! Even after all those experiences, I am waiting for his message, silent talk again.
Emotionally drained, she could not keep the eyes open. She decided to wish Good night to Ankur.
In love, there is no space for attitude. He must be tired or might have slept. Tomorrow is another day. I do not want to spoil the beauty of this unique connection, I have with him, her weak heart argued.
Good night Dear 🙂. Seems you had a great evening. Glad you enjoyed, she typed and pressed Send button.
The next moment, that special notification was there.
Ankur : Good night. Sleep well.
Keya : Oh wow….you are awake. I thought you must be asleep. Had been waiting for your message for whole evening
Keya tried to maintain normal tone but somehow could not resist sharing the disappointment.
Ankur : How can someone sleep peacefully when one after another incidents shake you up?
Keya : What happened? I thought you were happy. Saw your message in group chat. Happy for you that you have a perfect wife who knows how to keep everything perfect.
Even after trying to suppress the negative emotions, she could not hold on being sarcastic.
Ankur : Keya, I have to do it. Revati likes all those kind of immature things.
Keya : Oh really? You will do something publically knowing it’s immature, just because she likes it? In that case, Ankur, I want you to write I love you message to me in that group chat. I would love it.
And there was a silence. She stared at screen and tears were in flow again.
Is this the man I loved? He is saying that he had to say he loves his wife because she just loves those kinds of gestures but at the same time, he wants to have sex with me in back seat of his car. What a contradictory personality. He is not of my type……Keya struggled between mind and heart.
Finally, phone buzzed after 10 minutes. She thought, Ankur must be guilty. But…..
Ankur : Sorry, I dozed off. Well, I would not prefer to tell you I love you in that group chat. Not because I do not have guts but I am thinking about long term effects of it. This connection of ours is beautiful and let’s keep it under wrap. I would not like the world to see it.
Haah, master of words, Keya’s mind denied the explanation.
Ankur : Actually, true love is all about sharing. When someone feels resistance, it feels like a glass wall. I don’t know why it happens again and again but I am tired of it.
That surprised Keya.
Keya : I am sorry, I did not get it. From where that sharing thing came into picture?
Ankur : The way you posted about kiids’ library in group chat……I know, it was not an instant idea, you had work on. It cannot be. Some thought process must have been going on in your mind since long but you never shared about the idea. Not sure why you want to keep everything secret.
Keya re-read for thrice.
What? Now, he has one more doubt/problem? Am I keeping everything secret? Keya was furious now.
Keya : So right. I keep secrets but I don’t manipulate things at least.
Ankur : Keya, no one is manipulating anything. Why you have to stretch the matter? Why don’t you accept your weakness? It really hurts.
Keya : Ankur, I never said, I don’t say I love you to my husband and did exactly opposite in pubnlic….that too, just in few hours of statement. Thats called MANIPULATION…
That blocked letter part agitated Ankur.
Ankur : Keya, I told you, I had to do it to make her happy. That’s not the truth.
Keya : Ankur, how can I believe you? Actually, I have nothing to do with that matter. Whether you love her or not, its completely your life. The only thing that hurt me was, you manipulated words with me.
Ankur : And what did you do? I am sure, there must be many things going on in your life but you never want to share anything.
Keya : lets stay on track and conclude one point.
Ankur : I am tired and need to sleep. Good night.
And before Keya could type anything, he was offline. Keya suddenly felt a deep wound in heart. She hid her face in her palms and cried.
Here I am talking about why I am upset and he does not have that sensitivity to conclude the point and make it at least happy ending? Can’t believe, I felt so close to him just before 12 hours. Can’t believe…..
And her mind was on ride again. For the first time since she met Ankur, her mind did reverse comparison.
I do not share even 50% of compatibility with Nimit, compare to Ankur. With Nimit, I always feel like an alien. With Ankur, I always felt perfect. But Nimit never manipulated anything. With him, I never felt conscious about sharing/not sharing something. With Ankur, I always have to be conscious because I never know, how he will interrogate and analyze the matter and what assumption he will build up in his mind. What am I doing with myself? Going away from straight and smooth relationship to experience the high of high and low of low? Am I doing right thing?
But before the arguments between her mind and heart would have continued, she fell asleep…..
So what do you think readers? Is Keya doing right thing?
Do you think this kind of relationship has future?
What do you think? Is it true love or just a lust?
Keep sending me feedback and yes, stay tuned for next chapter 🙂